I could be anywhere when I am holding you.

Bricks

I was a little lost at SFS today. I know why, and I don't really want to forget. Balloons and thoughts that resemble their floating away, sinking back down to the ground only to be kicked up again.

For a while now, since last year, Robin has loved knocking bricks down. Why ? I didn't and don't know. It was probably fun. And maybe he imagined himself as a superhero, Batman's true accomplice, knocking down walls of evil, knocking them down when they were rebuilt, and knocking them down when they were standing. For me, I imagined them being failures and losses. They would keep coming, and I would keep knocking them down. Until Robin and I were called, leaving the little blue and red bricks lying scattered on the floor.

You always call once in a while.

Anberlin - The Haunting

Up on this hill, in this uncanny house
The wind makes this place creak, the lights they are flickering.
The moon she is lurking, the clock it stopped working
At a quarter past three.
There's something dancing here in the shadows
And I wish it were us.

You haunt me baby, you haunt me here tonight.
You haunt me baby, you haunt me here tonight.
Tonight.
Tonight.

Can't get your memory, off of my mind, my mind.
Just want your heartbeat, on top of mine, of mine.
There's something dancing, here in the shadows
And I wish it were us.

You haunt me baby, you haunt me here tonight.
You haunt me baby, you haunt me here tonight.
Tonight.
Tonight.

Up on this hill, in this uncanny house.
Your spirit I can't see, but I still believe
I can feel your breath on me.

You haunt me baby, you haunt me here tonight.
You haunt me baby, you haunt me here tonight.
Tonight.
Tonight.
Up on this hill, in this uncanny house.

Sorry

I still love you. It's everything. I can feel it now. Building. You can't see it, I just know that I can feel it. I still love you.

Listen

Sigur Rós - Untitled #1 (A.K.A. Vaka)
Uploaded by steveo_russianspy

I can't walk. At least not through this. The ground is like a mirror, it reflects what I cannot bear anymore. Not anymore, the ground reminds me of me. Barren, the existence reminds me of blankness and a mere outline. It reminds me that this is not a delusion, that it is real, I can see it. The myriad of dreams that belonged to the being I once was maunders and roams and roves through the air around me. Even the air stinks of defeat and of loss and of hopelessness. It wanders like the vagrants and vagabonds I used to detest, but have now become. There is no home, there is no hope, there is no hole where I can hide my shame-ridden face. The rustling of the leaves is the laughter of my own mind. The crashing of the waves is the sound of the walls of my sanity crumbling, lost to my lack of sight. I foresaw this, but I did not imagine that it would be real. What contraption covered my eyes, preventing me from seeing that this is reality ? What device polluted my heart, preventing me from hearing and feeling the distant cries that screamed for help ? What invention created such gigantic impedements in my mind, shutting out everything that I had learnt ?

The world has been destroyed.

The trees are burnt.

The animals are dead.

The birds are dead.

The plants have fled.

Metal impedes my path.

The path to nowhere.

I am going nowhere.

After we destroy the world,
you are going nowhere.

There is nothing here.

Environment. Gone. No more campaigns to save Earth. No more campaigns to recreate the green carpets that have now become discoloured and have now faded into the nothingness I am heading for.

No more. Gandhi's teachings have lost all their meaning because there is no-one here to hear his words. Martin Luther King Jr., Nelson Mandela, William Shakespeare, Stephen Christian, all their words now lie in the mud I walk upon because we have neglected the call to save the world. No more teaching, no more learning, no more music.

No more music.

Music ?

I can hear the pain.

It is not music.

Let us prevent this. Please. Please. Let the light shine.

Fairytale, anyone ?

Together

I want to create magic, music. The explosion of emotional light that drives away the ominous clouds of failure, disregard, hurt, sorrow .. I want to create it.

I want to create that comforting, mystical force. That force that unites all of us. There are things within all of us that keep us together as we carve out our own characters. They unite us. Hope, love, sorrow, pain, joy.

Listener or speaker, giver or taker, lover or loved, distant or near, known or unknown, all are familiar with these. And so, I can teach you what I have learnt about these things, and you can teach me ! You can be with me when I need someone, and I can be with you ! And if I don't know you, I will. And if I know you, and if I love you, and if you are not here, if you are not with me now, I can tell you.

You can hear music. And I can too. And you can hear that explosion. And I want to create that explosion. So you can hope. So you can smile. Even if I don't know you, you will know me. And if you know me, you can tell me who you are. So I can hope. So I can smile. You can hear my music, and I can hear yours, and I can listen to what you want to say, and you can listen to what I have to tell you. And we don't even have to speak the same language ! All you have to do is listen, for it to work.

"I have my own particular sorrows, loves, delights; and you have yours. But sorrow, gladness, yearning, hope, love, belong to all of us, in all times and in all places. Music is the only means whereby we feel these emotions in their universality." ~H.A. Overstreet

Yes, we can feel all of these things together. Without saying a word. All we have to do is listen to the music.

Sigur Ros - Glosoli
Uploaded by Transsmusic
(Please watch the video, and then listen to the song while reading)

A leap of faith. What is preventing me from believing ? What will it take for me to let myself understand that I can do whatever I want ? How will I make myself understand that I can be who I want to be ? What are my beliefs ? What do I believe in ? Do I believe in myself ? Do I believe that one day, I can be who I picture myself to be that day ? Do I have enough faith to surrender myself, to lose control, and believe that I will stand where I wanted to stand ?

What is preventing me from believing but myself ? It is I who holds on to the fear of falling each time I jump, and not onto the hope of jumping higher. I believe that one day I will be who I want to be, the person who will inspire, the person who will open eyes to the light of hope and the light of truth. I believe that one day I will fly, and I will not look upon the things that will hold me down. I believe that one day I will not doubt myself, and I will assure myself that if I want to achieve something, I will achieve something. I believe that one day I will realise that the only thing holding myself back from being myself is me. I believe that that one day is now.

Why do we always look for someone else to do something for us ? Why did we sit back and watch Nelson Mandela end the Apartheid, why do we sit back and wait for someone to eradicate racism ? What is holding us back ? You are the only one who can let yourself change your outlook. I am the only one who can let myself change my outlook. But who are you ? Who am I ? Am I who I believe I am ? Or am I what my beliefs make me ? Or am I the believer ? Or am I the believed ? Am I all of these ? If I am, why can I not believe that I will make the difference ?

"Everyone thinks of changing the world, but no-one thinks of changing himself."

- Leo Tolstoy

I believe that if everyone changes themselves, the world will change. I believe that one foot forward will propel your whole body. I believe that one man can lead a group, I believe that a group can lead a nation, I believe that a nation can lead a country, and I believe a country can lead a continent, and I believe a continent can lead other continents, and I believe all the continents constitute the world.

I believe that the fear of jumping higher is the only thing to be jumped over. I believe that once you jump, and once you let yourself fall, you will land on your feet. If you don't, you will fall somewhere safe. If you believe, you will fall in God's Palms.

If I believe, I will make my dreams come true.